What No One Tells New Mamas (But Every Mother Feels)
Motherhood secrets that should be shared.
Dear New Mama: The Honest Letter I Wish Someone Had Written to Me
Welcome, my friend. If you’re reading this, chances are, you’re in the thick of new motherhood—somewhere between the sleepless nights, the endless diaper changes, and that strange feeling of both intense love and overwhelming exhaustion. First, congratulations on that little one in your arms, that tiny person you’re getting to know and learning to care for.
This journey is beautiful, messy, intense, and yes, confusing. And if it feels like a lot right now, well, that’s because it is.
But here’s the thing: I wish I could tell you that motherhood will be everything you’ve dreamed of, a soft unfolding of love and support. That you’d be constantly surrounded by people who are there to lift you up, people who swoop in when you need a break, who celebrate every tiny thing you do. And I wish I could tell you that every quiet moment would feel peaceful, that you’d be seen in all the invisible ways you’re caring and loving and just trying to figure it all out. But the truth? Motherhood often doesn’t look like that at all.
The Myth of the “Good Mother”
There’s this thing we’ve all been fed called the “good mother” ideal. You know, that myth that tells us a “good mum” is endlessly patient, always self-sacrificing, put-together, cheerful, and somehow capable of making it all look easy. But this ideal is a myth. It’s a pressure-filled lie that generations of women have been holding up, an impossible standard that’s designed to keep us small, quiet, and forever striving for more.
The “good mother” myth tells you that if you’re struggling, you must be doing something wrong. That somehow, despite keeping a small human alive and loving them with everything you’ve got, it’s still not enough. Because “good mothers” are supposed to be everything, do everything, and give everything. And heaven forbid we ever need help.
The Realities of Motherhood They Don’t Tell You
Here’s what no one told me: that becoming a mother often means feeling inadequate, isolated, and completely overwhelmed by expectations that were never meant to be carried alone. That subtle, almost invisible weight of societal expectation, like a whisper that says motherhood is yours to handle alone, that “good mothers” should work like they’re not parents and parent like they don’t work, and somehow keep a tidy house and have time to bounce back into their pre-baby jeans. If this feels like a never-ending marathon with no water breaks, it’s because it is.
And here’s another truth: you’re not alone in this feeling. It’s so common, yet no one talks about it because we’ve been taught to mother in silence. We’re told to keep it together, smile, and push through because, well, that’s just what mothers do, right? We don’t ask for help; we soldier on.
But What if We Could Do This Differently?
What if motherhood didn’t have to be this impossible, isolating act of heroism? What if we could mother in a way that didn’t involve sacrificing ourselves at every turn? Imagine a world where motherhood wasn’t something that belonged solely to women. Where raising children was seen as a shared human experience, with equal contributions from fathers, partners, communities, and friends. Imagine a world where instead of individual homes with individual struggles, we had a village—where generations raised children together, where you weren’t alone in figuring it out day by day. This world would value your identity outside of motherhood, honouring your need to rest, recharge, and just be. It would see the mental load you carry—the schedules, the care, the sheer emotional weight of it all—as real, legitimate work. And you wouldn’t be expected to do it all or keep up appearances.
Motherhood, But Real
Here’s what I hope you’ll carry with you, even in those moments where it feels like too much: Motherhood was never supposed to be a performance. It’s not about fitting into a mold or pleasing an audience. It’s about showing up, doing your best with what you have, and giving yourself a bit of grace. And it’s about reaching out, finding your people, and building the kind of support that honoors you for who you are, not who you’re expected to be. Motherhood, real motherhood, is as full of light as it is of shadow. And you’re allowed to feel both. So if you’re ever feeling lost, inadequate, or questioning whether you’re doing it “right,” know that you’re already enough, simply as you are. And if you’re looking for a community where you can be real about all the highs and lows, where you can mother in a way that feels like you, I’m here, and so are so many other moms who are on this journey with you.
An Invitation to Join Us
If you’re nodding along, feeling a bit seen, or just wanting to feel less alone, I’d love to invite you to join The Village—a community of mums who know what it means to support each other, laugh together, and walk through all the messy, beautiful parts of motherhood. Inside The Village, we’re rewriting the story of motherhood as one that’s shared, celebrated, and, most importantly, real.
Join us and find the connection, support, and encouragement you deserve.
With love,
Beck